19 October 2008

Since when does being against adoption mean pro-abuse?

I don't get this. Just because I am against mothers and their children being unnecessarily separated doesn't mean I am advocating to keep children with violent parents - regardless if they are biological or not.

Over the past few years I have often been accused of trying to keep children with their violent mothers/fathers/parents which is completely ridiculous. That goes against what I believe in as well. But where does it state that to be against adoption completely means you are okay with children being abused? Its just not logical and these people who think that is what I'm about are really cracked in the head - or lacking some vital intelligence.

In saying I am completely, 110% against adoption definitely means I want it eradicated. Abolished. Gone forever where it can no longer cause any more harm. However, this doesn't mean that if adoption suddenly didn't exist, there couldn't be something in its place to care for children who really need it. Permanent Care is one idea I am very fond of.

A system where children are in care only where necessary, they get to keep their original birth certificate, no names are changed unless it is for the child's safety to do so and the children and natural family are able to have a varying amount of contact; dependent on the needs of and in the best interests and welfare of the child. Adoption does not allow any of this. Adoption is not even about children today; rather it is about having what one wants and cannot have naturally, money, meeting demands etc. No one thinks about the mothers of these children nor the children themselves.

So, if you are spitting mad with steam pouring from your ears because you have read somewhere I am anti adoption (and that somehow offends you), you now have no excuse to accuse me of being pro child abuse because that is just plain stupid, totally illogical and completely irrational. I could say you are pro child abuse for being pro adoption but I won't. Rather I will say you are ignorant of the damage adoption has caused and are blinded either by your own needs/desires or those of a friend/family member and I would ask you to see past that and learn something. If you choose to stay closed minded to the ugliness that is adoption, then don't bother reading what I write here or anywhere else. Its that simple. Oh, and enough with the emails asking me ‘advice’ if you have decided to block a reply. Really, grow up already!


  1. They have to find ways for adoptions to continue, therefore the focus on "all those poor, abused orphans." If they truly want to help abused children, they should looking into foster care.

    The reality is that most want babies - a baby makes the "as if born to you" lie easier to swallow for the APs.

    Clearly no one wants abused children to continue to be hurt, that's absurd.

  2. Hi Maybe...

    Apparently, according to some adoptive parents I have come across and others ignorant about adoption and its nasties, being anti adoption means I want children to continue to be abused. I have been told I am pro child abuse hence this blog post.

    I agree, no one in their right mind wants children to be abused.

    Foster Care is only an option for those who do not want to take the place of a mother. It is only where people actually care about these abused children and really want to help them. I have met many, many Foster parents and they genuinely care about the children they take in, have no desire to replace the child's parents and just want to give these children a soft place to land after what they have been through. Had adoption been like this, no one would have minded, but it isn't and can/will never be... which is why it needs to go.

    Myst :)

  3. Myst - Unfortunately, those who ignore the truth about the pain adoption causes don't want to hear the facts that exist. Instead they must find a reason to make the "fact-bearer" look bad so that no black mark infects the happy version of adoption.
    Instead of listening to you some have decided to try and attack you with whatever they can to try and silence you. And what better way than to try to make it sound as if you are in some way supporting "child abuse." We all know that is ridiculous. NOBODY wants a child to be injured in any way. But for some, taking the low shots is the only way they know how to go about keeping their head in the sand and believing adoption is a great, loving act.
    I'm sorry you had to come into contact with these monsters. Just remember, as hard as others might try to shut you up, your voice is an important one and your fight is one FOR the children and the mothers they have lost.

  4. I'm a foster parent and I do understand what you are saying. However, my children are like many kids out there - there is NO way possible my kids could ever return to their biological family.

    They do need and want a permanent home. They do want our last name. My little girl said "when I get married to you, can I wear a white dress like when you married daddy?" I think when we talk about marrying children without parents to parents without children, then the whole issue becomes much clearer.

    I do really feel for their mom and I wonder if she ever misses them (she has 7 in care) but I know she cannot and would not care for them. My focus is the children now - they need stability and the ability to not have other kids asking why their last name is not their mom and dad's last name. Every time they try to explain it you can tell they are being re-victimized.

    They, more than anything, deserve to have a childhood. And that's why I'm PRO adoption from foster care.

  5. Hi Anon...

    I can see what you are saying... however thats what permanent care is about... permanent, stable, forever care for a child who is able to retain their name and any contact (if appropriate) with their family of origin.

    Adoption is to cut and dry, too many losses. I am all for keeping children safe, just without the amount of pain adoption brings.

    Thanks for your comment :)

  6. Myst,

    I'm not quite sure how some come up with anti adoption means support of abuse. Thats a bit overboard!
    [there is NO way possible my kids could ever return to their biological family.]

    Anon, there is a reason that there is NO way possible that these children will never be able to return to their bio family. The system is not designed that way. For all the money spent on CPS, Foster Care, yadda yadda yadda, NONE of this money is designed to actually HELP a family reunite.
    (Unless being charged 100 bucks an hour to visit the children who were stolen from you is considered help?)
    There is no REAL FAMILY COUNSELING, intended to bring the family unit back together!
    The system is designed to collect money for each child stolen..yes, I said stolen. Most children who REALLY NEED the help are the ones nobody notices until they are dead!

    This is a repost, but I firmly believe THIS is what is honestly going on with our children, so it's worth the read! I found this post on One Angry Man
    Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act of 2008 (H.R. 6893)
    On October 7, the President signed into law the “Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act (H.R. 6893)” which Congress passed on September 17, 2008. This legislation targets specific perceived deficiencies in the child welfare system. Major provisions of the bill include:
    1. Helping Relatives Care For Foster Children
    2. Extending Assistance to Foster Youth Up to the Age of 21
    3. Expanding Training Funds – Expands coverage of federal funds for the training of child welfare workers to include private agencies approved by the state.
    4. Improving Oversight of Health Care – Includes overseeing plans for the health care needs of foster children, accounting for the assessment and treatment of health conditions and ensuring the continuity of care, medical records, and prescription drugs.
    5. Promoting Educational Stability – Requires plan for ensuring the educational stability of children in foster care and mandate assurance of school attendance.
    6. Increasing Aid for Tribal Foster Care – Provides direct federal foster care and adoption funding to tribal governments for children in their care.
    7. Encouraging Sibling Placement – Requires reasonable efforts to place siblings together when removed from their homes.
    8. Extending and Improving Adoption Incentives by doubling the cash bonuses to States for adopting out children.
    While we were all focused on the election this bill was signed and touchy-feely politicians everywhere felt a little better about themselves for throwing several billion dollars more into the corrupt welfare system under the veil of saving foster kids.
    See anything missing from this bill? Its quite obvious. Not one penny to help families stay together.This Act, along with many others before it encourages the creation of foster kids by providing more cash incentives for the states to rip families apart and adopt out their kids.
    Walter Mondale in 1974 promoted the Child Abuse and Prevention Act which began feeding massive amounts of federal funding to states to set up programs to combat child abuse and neglect. From that came “Child Protective Services”, as we know it today. After the bill passed, Mondale himself expressed concerns that it could be misused. He worried that it could lead states to create a “business” in dealing with children.
    In 1997 President Clinton passed the “Adoption and Safe Families Act.” The public relations campaign promoted it as a way to help abused and neglected children who languished in foster care for years, often being shuffled among dozens of foster homes, never having a real home and family.

    It all sounded so heartwarming. We love to buy stereotypes no questions asked. In the stereotype that we’ve been sold about kids in foster care, we picture a forlorn, hollow-eyed child, thin and pale, looking up at us beseechingly through a dirt streaked face.
    We think of orphans and children abandoned by evil child abusing parents. We imagine the finally adopted kids eyes growing as big as saucers as his new family shows him his very own room full of toys. And we just feel so gosh darn good about ourselves.
    Now reality sets in…. Very few children who are being used to supply the adoption market are hollow-eyed kids from despicable parents. Very few are crack babies from the projects. Oh… you thought those were the children they were saving? Think again.
    The vast majority of these children come from the suburbs of our cities. Why? When marketing a product you need a product people want to buy, sadly in the adoption business that would be nice kids with reasonably good genetics who clean up good.
    Everybody makes money. If anyone really believes that these people are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, then I’vegot some bad news for you. Tens of thousands of state employees, lawyers, court personnel, court investigators, evaluators and guardians, judges, and DSS - CPS contracted vendors such as counselors, therapists, psychologists, residential facilities, foster parents, adoptive parents, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, YMCA, etc. Make millions of dollars of this child kidnapping market.
    The State agencies have become completely dependant on the millions they receive for taking kids and adopting them out. The adoptive parents receive several hundred dollars a month more than natural parents on welfare to care for their kids.
    To produce these orphans and foster kids to receive these billions of dollars the States lower their definition of “abuse” and take children from their parents for almost any reason. The average family preyed upon by CPS is white, low income, working parents with an income level low enough that they will not be able to afford thousands of dollars in attorneys fees to fight for their children.
    Families are destroyed for profit. This latest bill George Bush signed doubles the federal money given to CPS\DHS on a per child removed basis. The money encourages the Welfare Departments across the land to find kids that would be easily adopted out, move immediately to terminate their parental rights of the parents and adopt them out as quickly as possible.
    Billions more to destroy families and nothing to rebuild them. Ignorance was bliss, now your informed.
    Note to good foster parents: I know there are thousands of you out there. Please don’t take offense to these facts I am posting. You are truly much needed part of society in the cases of real abuse and I commend you for it.


Comments are on. Polite, respectful discussion is welcome. Abuse will not be tolerated. Thanks :)