25 April 2009

For A

If I could be where you are... by Enya

Where are you this moment?
Only in my dreams.
You're missing, but you're always
A heartbeat from me.

I'm lost now without you,
I don't know where you are.
I keep watching,
I keep hoping,
But time keeps us apart

Is there a way I can find you,
Is there a sign I should know,
Is there a road I could follow
To bring you back home?

Winter lies before me
Now you're so far away.
In the darkness of my dreaming
The light of you will stay

If I could be close beside you
If I could be where you are
If I could reach out and touch you
And bring you back home

Is there a way I can find you
Is there a sign I should know
Is there a road I can follow
To bring you back home.... to me

Dearest A... always know how often you are thought of, how close you are kept in my heart. Know I wait for the day you can come home, if that is what you want. Love always, Mama xxx

16 April 2009


So I have a life outside of adoption.

Today was a glorious sunny Autumn day. The sky was a bright, beautiful blue. The sun warm but not to hot. Everything was just gorgeous. I love this time of year. Last year, it was exactly the same. I can recall packing up Noodle and Dude (who was only a few months old) and taking them to our local park where we would lie in the shade of the trees and look through the branches at the beautiful clear blue sky. Noodle would run and laugh while tossing her ball around and I would tickle Dude and stare into his eyes, just wondering what it was like to be so small again.

Today reminded me of this. We packed up and took off to the park this afternoon and it was just nice to be outside... in the warm.

I haven't really said much about my other two children in my blog because it is mostly about A, but they are as much a part of my life as she is... and vice versa.

Noodle is 5 and has a beautiful nature. We often get stopped as people want to talk to her. She has a zest for life that stands out a mile compared to other children of her age. She is not a quiet one. She embraces everyone and everything she encounters; she expresses every emotion in an animated way. We often get asked if we have considered acting classes... but I am not one to push, I want her to explore what she wants to do for herself because she wants to do it, not because she is pushed into it. She has a compassionate nature and gets genuinely upset about people who are not as forunate as her. Noodle is my first child since I lost A.

Dude is 18 months. Completely different to his sister in that he is quieter in some ways, yet he too embraces life and is just gorgeous. He is not yet talking much but has the most beautiful way of communicating with his hands. He also loves to sing!

I feel blessed. I AM blessed.

Sometimes, I like to break away from all the pain and anguish I feel and concentrate on the amazing people in my life. I am fortunate to have my husband and children, my parents, my extended family, my friends. Life is not always terrible. Sometimes, I need to remember to give myself permission to enjoy what I have. And to share this with others.

These are my blessings...