It has been some time since I visited this topic. And in that time, much has happened; here on my blog, on other blogs related to adoption and mostly within myself.
Through my other posts, I have presented reasons why I feel adoption is outdated as a law and institution. Many disagree with me whilst many others agree with me, even if they were not aware of it at the time! This has certainly been a journey all of its own.
However, I feel it is necessary to wrap this one up as I left it very much open and unfinished with my last post. I had intended to go further with the “series” as some would call it but I grew weary with the weight of this issue.
I disagree with adoption. Absolutely and completely. And I have come to the conclusion one of the the main reasons I detest adoption so much (apart from the many other reasons I have stated in the past) is because of what it does to people. The ensuing consequences; the reactions to the actions. What it did to me and created in me. The endless destruction. The negativity, lies, pain, anguish, hatred and more.
Adoption, as I have seen over the past 10 years since entering the wider world of adoption through the internet, brings out the very worst in people. Like THE worst. It brought out the very worst in me and turned me into someone I never was before adoption infected my life. And it is not someone I sit comfortably with. Not only myself, but I have seen and watched people become uglier than I could ever imagine and for me, anything that brings out so much hatred, violence and cruelty can never, EVER be a good thing.
Perhaps at one time, there were good intentions with adoption. I know there are individuals I have been privileged to meet who had and have very good intentions and have adopted for the right reasons. But sadly, the majority of people I have encountered across the world of adoption, have impacted on me in a devastating way. These are the people who reinforce the reason why adoption has become as controversial as it is. These people are the proof adoption is vile and full of everything BUT goodness, love and compassion.
As a child and young adult, I have seen and been in the middle of war, revolution, terrorism, starvation, pain, poverty, death and more. My family have faced many trials and I myself have been through some awful experiences. But none of them have ever had the destructive power in my life in the same way adoption has. I have never felt the force of evil quite so much as I have with adoption. With the above experiences, they are validated as horrific and there are, sadly, many people throughout the world who have been impacted by these same experiences and the world, for the most part, recognises these experiences as being terrible and thus appropriate actions are taken (in some cases) to provide care and assistance.
But in adoption… oh no. Poverty is seen as an excuse to take another person’s family to satisfy the need and ugly desires of another to have their own family. Hardships are seized on almost with glee by those facilitating adoption and are exploited for the personal gain of others. Babies and children are ripped from the arms of women and families for the sake of another’s selfishness and the worst part, PEOPLE TURN A BLIND EYE TO THESE EVIL ACTIONS. The hypocrisy in adoption is absolutely astounding. The double standards forced on those less fortunate than others who for some reason feel they have the right to dictate another person’s life to them, is beyond unbelievable. It is shocking. The mass abuse of human rights that occurs with adoption is bad enough without people refusing to see the truth of it.
I see this in articles splashed through magazines and newspapers, throughout the world of blogging and in the general public. I have seen pure venom directed at people in forums and commentary on articles. It is pure ugliness.
When people try to tell me adoption is all about love, I think about what I have read and heard and I cannot see the love. Because at the end of the day, the actions of so many people, agencies and government bodies has drowned out the love. The positives. I also feel that love can never grow in places that are entirely self-oriented, lustful and desire something that will only cause pain and destruction to another human being. For me, the nature of Love is to build someone up, not tear them down.
It is not wrong to want to parent. It is not wrong to want to have a child. What you decide to do with these desires is what determines if what you choose is right or wrong. Perhaps there would be room for adoption if it was so drastically changed it no longer resembles the adoption of today however, like I have stated in the past, once you change certain legalities about adoption, it is no longer adoption but some other law.
I have learned much through this journey of exploring why adoption should be undone. I have discovered there is a lot of common ground out there with people who do not see themselves as being anti-adoption. It has been a rewarding experience to learn and grow with the discussions online and through email I have had with my readers on this topic.
However, at the end of the day, I come to the conclusion that adoption is built on such a rotten foundation without the focus on the child and their best interests (despite what it says) and therefore needs to be scrapped with something less ugly built in its place. I admit, some of this feeling comes from my own pain and experience I have suffered at the brutal hands of adoption however I have seen too much and learned too much to ever see adoption in a favourable light.
Before people jump on the soap box and question me about orphans and abused children, please, give it a rest. This is a tired, circular argument which in the scheme of things is just an excuse people use to get what they want. Most people who have used this argument are not adopting the abused or orphaned children of this world but are lusting after the child of another mother so I am really not going there with you.
Adoption is about loss. Period. And until people can face this, many will continue to see it in a good way. Until people are courageous enough to face the truth of adoption and its demons, adoption will continue with all the ugliness it ensues. I just pray one day, the truth will be so obvious it can no longer be ignored and people finally start re-evaluating this barbaric practise and its consequences.