Just as you are traveling along feeling grounded, something comes along to challenge you and trigger feelings of old. And this is what happened recently with "Glee" or should I say a couple of the songs from this show.
I have only ever watched a couple of episodes and have tried not to watch it due to all the hype surrounding it (I don't like being too mainstream LOL) however from what I have seen so far, it is okay. Anyway, the reason I watched it at all was due to the story line surrounding Rachel and the recent discovery of her mother. (Long story short: Rachel is the result of a "surrogate" arrangement). Her first introduction to her mother was through a tape of her singing to Rachel and then you see Mother and Daughter on stage singing "I Dreamed a Dream"...
Wow, that song has had me feeling a lot! I guess because of the setting in which it was performed and the words which I can so keenly relate to:
"I Dreamed a Dream" as sung in the show Glee (not sure who wrote the lyrics)
(Sung by the mother)
I dreamed a dream in time gone by
When hope was high and life, worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
(Sung by daughter)
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung no wine untasted
(sung by both)
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
(sung by daughter)
And still I dream she’ll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
(sung by both)
I had a dream my life would be
So diff’rent from this hell I’m living
So diff’rent now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
The sections I have bolded are the words that stuck with me most. These words highlighted exactly what I was trying to say in a previous post about grieving what I had lost and the need to move on. Hearing the words put into song like this (I have a thing about music, it is my soul food) really spoke to my core. However, instead of leaving me broken, it has helped me see that yes, my life I dreamed of is dead... so now it is time to have a new dream and breathe life into something new for my whole family.
Life did kill the dream I had, the dream of my daughter and I and all the things we would do together... and I can never get that back. It will always be a loss. It will always be sad and painful. But now, right now, I have a chance to create a new dream, including her, and my other children. It will be difficult as it wasn't what I expected but it is where my journey is leading. So as I move through my own "Boulevard of Broken Dreams", I move onto another road, a new road with a new purpose. I have no idea what lies ahead for me on this road and there is no map to follow but I am ready to see what waits for me out there.