Earlier today I read a comment on another blog that has really unhinged me. And the support it has received I think has upset me more.
The fact any PAP or adopter can compare themselves to a person in need of a heart transplant to me, is one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard. And to be seen as similar to these people who feel so entitled to another woman's child infuriates me.
People who need a heart transplant are very ill people (um... stating the bleeding obvious here). If they do not receive a heart, an organ, they will die. In order to get one, yes, they first must wait for people to die (again, the obvious). But in the meantime they could very likely die waiting for one. I understand that a patient's need for a heart means someone else must first die and then another family will suffer loss however this NEED for a transplant is far different to the 'need' of someone to adopt. In fact people do not NEED to adopt. They WANT to adopt. BIG difference. The desire to adopt will not lead to a life and death situation for those who are wanting a child.
The entitlement people feel to other people's children is incredibly sickening. The idea that any PAP or adopter out there is as worthy of receiving a child as a waiting transplant patient is of receiving an organ to help them LIVE is so very unbelievable it would be laughable if I hadn't just read this. It is a bold slap in the face to a mother and her child wrenched apart and it is basically saying to a mother "well we needed a child more than you WANTED YOUR child" WTHeck?? Seriously. WTHell is this world coming to?
I am seeing a concerning pattern emerging of late that sees any adopter show any glimpse of weak understanding towards a mother and her loss and then BAM! suddenly their thoughts and feelings are MORE important, MORE valued than anyone elses.
Its like losing Amber all over again. Our needs... my daughters need to be with me, my need to be with her as Nature and Survival created, thrown out with the trash and superseded by others.
I am thrilled there are adoptive parents out there coming on board, opening their hearts up to the truth of adoption and seeing what really lurks under all the media hype and lies. Truly, I am thrilled. It is a start... but I would not be in this place I am today if it wasn't for adoptive parents wanting MY child. I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for a judgement from others that they could parent MY child better just because of a stupid metal band around their finger. My daughter would be here with me and HER FAMILY right now if it hadn't been for adopters TAKING her from me. And I am not the only one in this situation.
The only way for adopters/Paps etc to really 'get' the truth about adoption is NOT to adopt. Lately I have read blogs of people who have claimed they now understand both sides of adoption and the atrocities in adoption and it has confirmed their resolve to adopt AGAIN. They DON'T get it. Really. Because if they did, they wouldn't adopt!
I am sick of walking on tip toes. Sick of trying to be positive about something that is as destructive as a bullet in my skull or a knife embedded in my heart. That is what the rest of society wants and needs in order to tell themselves it is okay to hurt more women and children. Well, screw you. I am not playing your game anymore. Adoption hurt (putting it rather mildly) me. It hurt my children. And there is no healing from a wound that never stops bleeding so enough of the healing chatter and the happy dappy lets be positive crap. Adoption hurts. Don't like reading that? Tough. Its the truth and I am tired of walking on egg shells for people who just don't want to SEE it for themselves.