19 January 2011

A Rose Taken

As many of you are aware, my friend Kristy also known as nzrose and Rose Taken passed away last Sunday. In her memory and the memory of those who have died directly due to the results of adoption, I have set up a memorial page on Facebook.

Please be aware it is a Memorial page and is there for those who are grieving as a result of their loss. I understand this is a very touchy topic and I am aware many feel suicide is selfish or a cowardly way out. I feel this is because those who feel this do not understand what it is like to be at the point of wanting the pain to end so much that there is a drive to end your own life. I get this pain having been there myself for a long time after I lost Amber. Thankfully I beat that curse but some do not and they need to be remembered for the people they were and not what they did.

A Rose Taken

If you have known someone who has passed away as a result of adoption trauma, please become a fan and add their name to the list in the Discussions under "In Memory of..." I hope we can give our friends, family members and loved ones a page where they can be remembered without stigma attached.

For you Kristy, wherever you are xxx

Just editing to add I have noticed an increase of people searching for her blog so I am placing the link for it here

18 January 2011


I think this songs pretty much sums it up. Too much, so close. This monster knows how to twist the handle of the blade embedded in my heart and I can't handle this pain. My arms have been cut free for 6 or 7 years... and now I can no longer resist the urge to see the blood, to feel pain; real pain. Its all too much. Too much destruction and those out there who want to keep this monster going... you are no better than murderers, cheaters, CRIMINALS. Anyone who wants/desires to partake in this world of adoption that KILLS mothers and their children - you are scum.

Adoption is wrong. Anyone who cannot see through all the lies is blind by choice and your choices are hurting others. Its the same as supporting a rapist you know is going to rape again. Shame on you.

by Evanescence

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

11 January 2011

And the Monster strikes again...

I really do not know how best to start this post. Perhaps there is no eloquent way to say this so I am just going to get it out.

Yesterday, a friend of mine passed away. At her own hand. We met several years ago and then for a time lost contact and then rediscovered each other only last year. She has been broken ever since she lost her daughter and then, with the passing of her brother only a couple of years later in the same way.

I understand why she did this; oh do I understand that dark, dark place all to well. I just wish with everything in me it didn't end this way. That somehow there had been a light for her in that darkness and eventually she could have come out of it.

To my beautiful friend, who I call my Kiwi Rose,

Rest in Peace beautiful. I am so sorry you were broken like this; that there was no other way you could see through this hell. I am sorry we never got the chance to meet up like we were hoping or do most of the things we had planned. I will miss you; both here in blog land and out in real life.

My heart aches for you, for your daughters and although I know you were not fond of your mum after what happened, my heart aches for your whole family too.

Farewell and may you find that elusive peace you have been after for so long.

With much love always,
Myst xxx