Recently my attention was drawn to the supposed adoptive 'father' movement. Um, what? Usually when one hears of a movement, it is already trending through other blogs and forums across the net and yet the comment that first told me of it is the first time I have heard of it.
And apparently the person who speaks about it thinks all mothers of adoption loss are "fuck-ups" (his words not mine) who realise the fun in being said "fuck-up" is over and so we have cast ourselves as victims. Because adoption only happens to children who are taken from abusive mothers or families. Yeah, right.
For some reason this person believes he knows everything and all things about adoption and that his word and his alone is truth. Given the very small part of adoption his involvment is in, I find it rather hilarious that his ego has over taken him to put him in the numero uno place in adoption.
So to all you mothers out there of adoption loss, according to this ignoramous, your baby was not coerced from your arms, there is no such thing as coercion, you are drug taking, child abusing women who deserved what she got. Nevermind you might never have taken an illegal substance in your life or nevermind you do not drink or have even had a child to abuse - you are all these things anyway. It doesn't matter that some of us were raped and our children taken from us through illegal and corrupt measures, oh no, because according to this particular adopter, he knows EVERYTHING about us that we apparently do not even know.
It doesn't matter that we come from good homes and have educations - our families are automatically no good and have the same issue with drug taking and alcohol abuse - even if they have never touched either before.
Because of what he thinks he knows about what happened through his adopted childrens' experience, then suddenly he is an expert on all aspects of adoption. Again, yeah, right.
And this is why our stories need to be out there. Because people like this who are so caught up in their own heads and mess, they are unable to see reality. They are the types that hold victims of crimes accountable, that will make abused people pay for what happened to them. They cannot hear or see the truth as they are blind and deaf to any other voice and then they transfer their own blindess and deafness to those of us dispelling the myths and bringing to light the real issues.
I have met several adopters like this. And it is thanks to the likes of them the adoption world is the mess that it is. People who like to see beauty as ugly and ugly as beauty. People who have no qualm in ripping to shreds the lives of others and then say they have no apologies to make because they are just speaking the "truth". These people are what is wrong with our society and why adoption continues to destroy and maim the lives it does. These are the types that believe they are entitled to do whatever they please to another human being just because they breathe. They have no logical explanations for what they say and they know nothing - absolutely nothing about the complexities in adoption and yet they present themselves as being specialists in it because they adopt.
At this point I want to thank those adoptive parents who are NOT like this person. You know who you are and you are a balm to the wounds these people inflict. I would say you truly care about the children you have brought into your family and I wish, so very much, more would be like you and give a damn about the realities of adoption. There are enough issues and there is enough conflict out there without misinformed persons creating more!
I know my story and I know what happened to me is wrong. If I don't fit into your little box of being a drug taking, child abusing 'bio mom' that is your issue, I didn't create those boxes. My story is not for you or anyone to judge, it happened. If you don't like that or you choose to disbelieve it, that is up to you - doesn't change the facts of what happened and says more about you than anything else. Judge me all you like, again that falls on you at the end of the day. What happened to me and my child was wrong. And so are many adoptions that have taken place and still take place based on the very real coercion that exists in adoption today. I have never abused a child in my life - rather I have been a child carer since I was 13 so that puts to bed the lie that so many mothers only lose their children because we are abusive, drug-taking, alcoholic women. But then that is a stereotype created to help adopters feel good about what they have done. Doesn't make it true or the adopters rescuers. It just makes them part of the adoption machine that makes its billions by separating families and hurting lives.