14 September 2012

"Why can't we be happy?"

It has been that sort of week.  One where those less than impressed with mothers and adult adoptees who blog about the negatives in adoption, have come out to let us know how they feel.

Of course, that is okay.  Everyone has a different perspective and will view issues based on their own experiences and we don't all have to agree with each other.

However, there comes a point where I do take offense to those differing views and it is usually when they are reeking of entitlement or outright attacking a group of people for no real reason at all (read my last post for clairification)

A couple of days ago, Cassi (yes I am doing it again) blogged a powerful post regarding the view many PAP's and adopters/adoptive parents have or need to have in order to adopt our children whilst knowing it is causing a loss to the child and their family.  Read her post here

As is always bound to happen, a comment ensued informing Cassi and her readers how sick she was of "the whining of girls who couldn't possibly have raised their children but wnat to make sure no other women gets to celebrate becoming a mother." (direct quote, grammar and typo mistakes included) More on this comment in a minute.

I also read another blog by a mother regarding how she too had been left a comment by someone who was offended by the fact this mother felt loss and openly shared her feeling of loss and pain over her daughter being adopted.  She brutally proceeded to label this mother bitter and angry whilst telling her she created her own unhappiness and had no right to talk about the pain and loss of losing a child to adoption.

These two comments are very typical in adoption as is the thinking behind them. We receive them all the time - sometimes via email when they are too gutless to leave them on our blogs. How dare mothers of loss speak up?  How dare we expose the myths and remind the world we exist and are human?  How dare we assert our motherhoods and claim our children?  How dare we explain how we always wanted to parent and raise our children ourselves but were prevented by a society totally geared towards creating a make believe family?  The audacity of mothers like Cassi, myself, the author of the second blog mentioned and other mothers! 

So we get "Why can't we be happy?"

But that isn't the issue really.  I have no issue with people being happy.  In fact the more happy people, the better.  What I do take issue with is HOW you try and find happiness.  And if your happiness depends on or leads to the trauma, pain and anguish of another human being then I don't believe you do deserve to be happy because real happiness, one that comes from within would never celebrate in the loss of someone else.

True happiness does not come from making or celebrating another's suffering and yet THAT is what adoption is founded on.  Loss.  Pain.  It doesn't matter what sort of adoption it is either because every single adoption features loss somewhere along the line: whether it is the loss of the mother at birth or the normal loving relationship of a mother who becomes abusive.  Loss is there.  Whether it is in losing one's baby at birth because one is too young/unwed/forced/coerced etc or taken from you because of poor choices made.  Loss is prevalent.  And even for those seeking to create this loss, they too have faced loss in that they have never been able to experience pregnancy or a child.  Loss is prevalent in their decision as well.  And so all this loss occurs and people expect it to create happiness somehow.  Sorry but piling loss on top of each other does not create anything except an even greater pile of loss.

What I cannot comprehend in all this loss is how a woman, who is suffering loss of her dreams of being a mother, can then expect another mother to lose her own child.  This for me is baffling.  Because I could never want someone else to experience a loss to fulfill a dream for me.  I couldn't live with myself; its not how I work.  Yet that IS how it works in adoption, with the encouragement of money hungry agencies looking to line their pockets with thousands.

Look at the language they use!  If a mother chooses to parent as opposed to following through with an "adoption plan", instead of celebrating a mother and child staying together, we see the terminology of "a failed placement". FAILED.  WTF??  I am sorry but there is NOTHING failed in a mother deciding to step up to the plate and parenting HER child.  This is a celebration.  This is motherhood at its most natural and to use the word failed is testament to how low the adoption industry and society has fallen.  It is despicable.  And not only that, we have to put up with the bemoaning of these said failed placements.  THEY are allowed to let the world know how they feel.  THEY get to grieve and lash out and say terrible things and allowances made for them... and yet we mothers who lose our children to the likes of these women for doing NOTHING but being young, or raped or poor or simply coerced to believe we are not good enough, have to shut up and deal with it.  If we don't, we are boxed and categorised; labelled and hated.  Hypocritical much??!

So to answer the question that started off this post. NO, you can't be happy when your happiness rests on the loss of another human being.  Mothers who are young and unwed are people.  They feel just like you do, they get hurt the same as you do.  Where was their protection?  Where is their support?  Why is it only women with a gold band get that recognition as being a human?  And what about the child you so desperately want? THEY want their mothers - the ones they have spent 40 weeks getting to know; her voice, her heartbeat, her dna, her very core.  It doesn't seem very loving at all to want to rip all that away from a child in a desperate bid to be happy.

Bad things happen to good people - infertility being one of those bad things.  However bad things happening do not entitle ANYONE on this earth to go and cause another bad thing to another person to make yourself feel better.  Didn't anyone tell you two wrongs do not make a right?  That's a life lesson 101 right there.

To be honest, I am sick of hearing the "poor me" songs from those who are not getting a newborn baby fast enough.  I am over hearing the "me, me, me, me, me" sentiments from those who feel they deserve another mother's child for whatever reason they have told themselves.  I am over women, gross, horrible women who are so wrapped up in their own pain they are more than happy to lash out and seek to hurt another human being so they can get what they want.  I am over it.  I have no empathy for the likes of these women because they used it up when they made the choice to hurt someone for their selfish gain.  I and many other mothers and our children have suffered because of the likes of these women.  Because they were unable to get passed their grief and so put it onto us.  I am a compassionate and empathetic person (it is what got me into this mess in the beginning) but I am clean out for those who care so little about others.

If you can only be happy by taking another woman's baby and then by lashing out at mothers of adoption loss, then you can never be happy.  That baby will not fill the hole regardless of what you think.  Happiness comes from within - it is fought for, it is strived for.  It is in the caring for others, in the giving and not the receiving.  Happiness is not in adoption, for nothing of joy can grow in a cold, hard and ugly place which seeks to destroy for one's personal gain.

42 comments:

  1. It takes a particularly narcissistic person to think that they are entitled to take and raise another persons child and it seems to be a common trait among the adoptive parents of my fellow adoptees, mine included. Interestingly enough, my female adopter has said to me many times that should "just be happy", like it is my choice to suffer from depression and anxiety. To be so dismissive of someone else's pain should be a big red cross through any home study but these people put on their best faces for agencies and expectant mothers until they get a baby in their dirty little hands and then their true colors come shining through. I almost hope that one day, their adopted child comes to them crying and saying that some horrible adopter on the Internet told them that they are miserable, horrible, bitter, ungrateful and nasty, see how they feel about that.

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    1. So true Eri. Its sad because in their selfishness they are messing with people's lives. I am so sorry your a mother is so dismissive of you. :(

      ((((Hugs)))) Love you! xxx

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    2. The adopters who feel so righteous are living in a dream world with no adoptees who are angry, disconnected emotionally from almost everyone and who feel like their whole life is a fabrication made by social workers and the adopters money. I read these posts day in and out and its heartbreaking. Do you think adopters read those blogs and posts? I don't think so. They are too busy convincing themselves they are the REAL PARENTS.

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  2. The adopter mommies are jealous of us because they KNOW they are second best and those children are not theirs. That is why they try so pathetically and desperately to denounce what natural mothers say. I am so sick of these witches, seriously...

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  3. Great post Myst. I think there is a push back from those adoptive parents who never dreamed that natural mothers and adoptees would have a voice and use it. They feel threatened that the "as if born to myth" is exposed for what it is- a myth. And many of them fear their child finding his natural parents or vice versa through social media which is becoming more common.

    When I read nasty comments from adoptive parents I know what they really want to say is "go away." The ones who used coercion and or closed an open adoption thought they could do it without any repercussions later in life. And now they fear that their actions will be exposed and their adopted children will form their own opinion about it. They don't like it when the two other parts of the triad are not expressing gratitude. It scares them and messes with their sense of entitlement.

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    1. Too true! Being threatened would account for most of their behaviour; the rest due to lack of empathy (not in all adoptive parents thankfully though).

      And yes, exactly, they want us to either crawl away and die or drop off the face of the earth. And when we don't they box and label us to write us off. Can't have truth coming out now can they? xxx

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  4. Every word so true Myst. And for every single one of those adoptions, the baby feels the loss. The baby has no idea what caused the separation from its mother. It only knows it is. People who take that baby and pretend it is their own, need to understand that they are taking a human being, already biologically programmed to belong to another. Any adoptee will tell you that they understand DNA far better than the non-adopted. We live with the absence of it every day. And the bottom line is ......... no -one asks the baby or child what they want. They make decisions about a life without any consultation. No human knowingly wants to be taken away from where they belong. This is why so many adoptees will tell you that they just want to go home. The trouble is, they don't know where home is.
    Certainly not minimising the mothers' point of view. Just reminding people that adoption, by definition, also involves another little person who is completely disempowered. I thought, given the current climate of idiots who take this on as some kind of political agenda that it was timely to state the bleeding obvious. Adoption is not political. It is sentencing a small person to a lifetime of loss. The adults who have so much to say would do well to remember that. Thank you for your accurate description of that loss. I live it daily so no argument is possible.

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    1. I agree Debbie... the baby has no choice at all. They cannot voice their desire to stay with their world. And yet people think they can just replace mothers. Until it doesn't work and the adopters don't want to 'play' mommy anymore. What a screwed up world we live in!
      I wish more people would listen to those babies who grw up and then voice their thoughts. Even I have to admit I find it difficult - especially in regards to the four real parents aspect. Perhaps if I had placed Amber ofmy own volition and choice I would be able to accept it easier but it is the thing I struggle most with... becase to me her so called 'parents' are little more than kidnappers...
      But yes, you are right, adoptees need to be considered so much more than they are!!

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    2. Debbie,

      This . . . "Any adoptee will tell you that they understand DNA far better than the non-adopted. We live with the absence of it every day" . . . reminded me of what an adoptee said to me last month at the Adoptee Rights Demonstration in Chicago.

      I was in the hotel lobby with my oldest son, who I gave up for adoption, and we were talking to one another. When he walked out, after our conversation was finished, the adoptee who had been behind us, listening, made the comment of how much we sounded alike. Not in voices, of course, since he is a twenty-four year old man and I am a ***** year old woman, but in our dialect and rhythm.

      It struck me then how adoptees, with everything they have lost, are so much more in tune with the simple, every day connections of DNA because they were denied growing up with something us non-adopted have always taken for granted.

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  5. Reading your post today reminded me again of why I did not want to enter into a long conversation recently with the friend of recent adoptive parents who had to create a photo album etc. in order to be chosen. I had the sense--since this woman was their friend--that I was going to hear about how awfully difficult it was to adopt today, and how much they paid, and the rigamarole they went through etc and I was going to be explaining (defending) the process against these poor good people who did nothing but wait (I'm assuming here, these APs were undoubtedly high level professional people) until their late 30s to try to have a baby, and then after spending $100K on IVF etc.,...Sometimes it is just exhausting to have to be a one-woman encyclopedia against modern adoption at every turn.

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  6. The theme I find most disturbing here is that it seems your misunderstanding the nature of adoption so let me clear it up for you.

    We (adoptive parents) don't want YOU. We don't care about your crappy reasoning and post situational dilussions. Are bad adoptions happening? Sure, I can fathom that. Are millions of kids better off without "bio-mom" ....yep.
    Obviously our adoption is a different scenario but your "grief" rants are the same as bio moms who have had rights terminated. Equally insipid and equally self serving.
    The simple truth is this. No adoptive parent changes birth certs and closes adoption proceedings to hurt the child, we do it to protect OUR kids from terriable bio-moms who have cleaned up just enough to try and wreck more lives. Yes I said OUR kids as her rights have been terminated and rights have been given to US.
    But this is where your rational argument always ends.

    Simply put, for what ever reason bio-moms lost the kids and the state has chosen better providers, more nurturing environments and better options for the kids. In our case and virtually every case I come in contact with, the kids don't want to go back to or even here of bio-mom until later in life and into adulthood. No one wants someone else's bad life choices to hurt them. Not adoptive parents, not adoptees.

    In closeing, adoptive parents don't care if your happy or sad (at least I don't). We are much more concerned with providing these kids correct and loving homes and STABLE environments. I would suggest that instead of mourning your inability to sustain a basic standard of "motherhood", perhaps you should be working on creating a life and an inner perspective that these kids could in theory be proud of when they come looking for you at legal age or when they are ready.

    This would be time better spent then attempting to destroy happiness of future adoptive families.

    Great blog
    Farther.than.Father

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    1. Um, I think it is YOU who is misunderstanding what adoption is - and that is quite common for adopters like yourself who cannot find their way out of their own nose hair.

      I don't really give a crap about the happiness of adoptive families because as I have so clearly pointed out in numerous posts which you are too illiterate to read and comprehend, forces a family to lose.

      You seem to be supremely uneducated in regards to the majority of adoptions and the small bit you think you know is so tiny it is but a mere blip in adoption.

      Funny you say you don't care about us and yet you hang around here like a stench... that suggests or rather, confirms, that you do care, a great deal in fact, what we have to say and thus you need to assert your inaccuracies and fallacies into our blogs. Dude, you are WAY out of your league.

      BTW, I didn't lose my child to the state. I was found fit and deemed the best parent for MY child. If you have any ability to read I suggest you go back and read a previous post before commenting on anymore posts here because you are clearly an uneducated adopter who knows absolutely zilch about anything in adoption but thinks he knows it all. I am so sad for the children you think you rescued... just shows me that the so called home studies are a waste of time when arrogant people with no abilities or education can get their hands on a child. Please go away... your lies and filth are a waste of time and whilst I have had fun watching your stupidity, I am over you and your kind of cruelty.

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    2. Haven't you bought a spell-check yet? And what the hell does Farther. Than. Father
      mean? You aren't a father, let alone a farther ...... you are a moron who shoots blanks and had to buy 2 kids.
      Myst is so right. For someone who doesn't care, you hang around here like a fat kid to chocolate. I suspect you are fat. Definitely stupid. Can't spell for shit. Can't father kids ..... something anyone can do. We all did. What's your excuse?
      Pathetic excuse for a man, let alone a Dad. Go spend some time with your bought kids and get offline.
      WTF is 'dilussions'
      Go shoot some more blanks. Men all over the world are laughing at you. As are all these 'bio Mums'.
      Biggest idiot of all time. A total loser and a wasted life.

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    3. And so you know Wes, Debbie is an adoptee as are several of my commenters. They are not mother of loss and yet they seem to contradict your misguided message about adoptees not caring. OF COURSE they care - its only their adopters who don't WANT them to care!

      Thanks Debbie xxx

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    4. Wes, I surely hope that you realize that you only speak for yourself when you say "adoptive parents." My parents would not agree with anything you've said here or feel it to be there own personal beliefs. In fact, they'd be quite offended.

      You do realize that your type of adoption is not the only type that exists. You do realize that none of the women you're attacking here had their rights involuntarily terminated due to abuse/neglect through the foster care system...right? You do realize that there are entire other realms to adoption that exceed your experience.... Don't you?

      You do not speak for me as an adoptee. You do not speak for my biological family. And you certainly do not speak for my adoptive parents.

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    5. Thank you Amanda for a voice of reason. You are right of course there are adoptive parents who would be appalled to be represented by this person. Thank you again.

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    6. Your ignorance is sad and, again, I can't help but wonder if you are nothing more than a troll trying to gain some form of satisfaction by attacking Myst - who did not go and seek you out, but instead was the original victim to your vicious and cruel attacks.

      You have gone over and above in proving what I have stated, time and time again . . . adoptive parents are just as capable and guilty of abuse. They are not immune or exempt from such cruelty. Home studies, large checks, infertility and self-entitlement do not change the fact that adoptive parents can, AND DO, abuse their children.

      And you, are abusive. There is no question about it in your tone, your attacks, your very nature. I can pray, with everything inside of me, that your abuse will never become a part of the lives of your children, but I fear, with the insulting disregard you have shown toward mothers and adoptees, that your abuse already exists.

      And, yes, to be clear, speaking to your children about their original family - no matter the reason for their separation - in the same manner you have spoken here on Myst's blog and on your own blog IS ABUSE!

      Refusing to respect the families your children are a part of, the heritage and ancestory that became theirs from the moment of birth IS ABUSE!

      You are, in so many ways, the worst kind of abusive. Your tactics involve mental abuse, which, so often is the most detrimental and destroying because it is so hard to clarify since the deep, painful injuries it leaves can not be seen by cuts and bruises.

      But the abuse is real, just the same. And you, Power Dad, are proving, time and time again, that you are guilty of such abuse.

      And, no, I will not apologize for claiming so. I have learned to recognize, not ignore and not hesitate when it comes to calling out and exposing abusive parents, whether it be original, adoptive, step, foster (whatever.)

      And you, Power Dad, are exhibiting all signs of having the worst kind of abusive attitudes.

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    7. This is not true! we found the bio-family of my sister (the one adopted in Cambodia) and we do care about her and her 8 children.My adoptive parents dont hide anything from us because they love us. If we want to learn more about our biological family, my parents help us even thou they have a bitter-sweet expression on their face. if I talk about my bio mom, my parents listen with tears in their eyes, because they dont want to let go of neither my sisters nor myself, but because they love us, they will do anything to help us find our heritage. My mom, my adoptive mom always told me that the love in a mother's heart is infinite, that no matter how many children she has, she loves them all equally. So why wouldn't a child's love be as infinite? to me that is real «GOOD» adoption, always reminding a child that they have two sets of parents, and that there alod to love both equaly.

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    8. What is not true exactly? In fact much of what the ladies above - other adoptees and mothers - say IS true regardless of what you want to believe. Your story is but one and if you read what the adopter male above has to say, he is saying exactly the OPPOSITE of what your adoptive parents are saying. Might I suggest, so you understand what is happening here, you read ALL the posts referenced. Cheers!

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    9. I was replying to POWERDAD. What I meant is that I dont agree when he says that lying to children protects them.I also belive that he should care that his kids have a bio mom, no matter how cruel she's been to them.
      Sorry for any misunderstanding (I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly, english isn't my first language).

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  7. No fartherthanfather, YOU'RE deliberately ignoring the reality of adoption & YOU'RE attacking a woman who is a perfectly fit mother whose child should never have left her arms. (btw, I capitilised YOU'RE so you know which one you are meant to use.) You are under the misguided impression that most adoptions come about because of abuse & you are flat out wrong. The majority of adoptions occur when a vulnerable mother is made to feel inadequate, not good enough & she is convinced by those who stand to benefit that strangers will be better parents for her baby. The evidence is clear when you follow the money - in the US, agencies make vast amounts of money from facilitating adoptions & as a result, 3% of live births there end in adoption. Here in Australia, all adoptions are done by government agencies & no-one profits financially - our adoption rate is 0.2% of live births. It is the disparity between rich & poor & the buying power of the wealthier classes that creates demand. Myst's blog is one of many mothers who have lost a child to adoption through no fault of their own, other than being poor &/or single, who have grieved for their child for the rest of their lives. This does not mean they are not productive members of society who lead full & happy lives. They blog about their loss to educate people like you who believe that adoption is a win win win situation & to help women considering adoption for their baby. Rather than being so dismissive & derisive you could listen to the people who have lived with adoption & learn about the loss that your adopted child will inevitably feel. They may be YOURS now, but they were born of someone else, they don't BELONG to you & they never will.

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    1. Thank you Eri... not sure he is capable of hearing anything than his own misguided and uneducated 'voice' sadly.

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  8. Man those spelling mistakes sure are embarassing for me.

    Listen, I simply disagree with your self denial and fervant attacks on things you cant even comprehend in real life. Your venting, I get it.

    The issue at hand is not me, its "bio-moms" who are losing children at an alarming rate due to intoxicants, physical abuse and neglect.

    Sure private adoptions happen, between consenting adults which if you like it or not...these "mothers" were and are of the age of consent. Revising and cherry picking your own history may make you feel good but in reality, the courts, adoptive parents and even adoptees dont buy it.

    All the blogs in the world wont change the facts. As fathers and fathers rights become more of the leading aspect of correcting the adoption issue the values expounded here on your blogs but never lived up to in real life arent going to help you. The kids are better off without you in their future.

    P.S. All you have to do to get rid of me is to block me. It's easy, painless and a complete confirmation that simple disagreement is something you cant deal with.
    PowerDad
    Farther.than.Father

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    1. The Blogger commenting system does not have a block option.

      You can certainly choose to stop harassing Myst and these women. No one is forcing you to come here. You are making the conscious choice to come to their personal space and make terrible accusations. I think it is you who needs to leave.

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    2. I know and respect many men who fight daily for father's rights and I have no doubt, they would be insulted at the mere suggestion that you are, somehow, aligned with them in any way. You do nothing but insult and damage everything they fight for with your ignorant and abusive ways.

      You are nothing more than an severe hindrance for the very things you claim you are fighting for.

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  10. Oh and Wes, thank you for being the evidence for the post above :) I always love it when an adopter so full of themselves proves my words to be true. Bravo!

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  11. Deliberately and ignorantly aggressive? Or just an arsehole? I say the latter. I pity your adopted child. Your lack of empathy & refusal to acknowledge adoption loss will make it completely impossible for your adoptee to ever be honest with you which will ultimately destroy your relationship. You are a sick little monkey to keep coming back here & attacking a woman who hasn't done anything to wrong you.

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  12. Wes aka "PowerDad" (ha-ha) is mental. His blabbering on about natural mothers being drug addicts, etc. is utter nonsense. Unfortunately this is exactly the type of person that adopts and then wonders why his adoptlings want nothing to do with him when they grow up! These adoptoraptors are a dime a dozen. Block the crazy f&ck. -Mara

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  13. I'm not surprised at the adopter's comments at all. I'm only a bit surprised that they put them here. This is what's said a lot behind everyone's backs. THIS is what happens when someone invests tens of thousands of dollars in another human being, then later realizes that the purchased human will never adapt to be like them. They will never look similar. They will never act similar. The adoptling may pretend for decades to fit in, but everyone truly knows that they don't.

    It's not entirely the adopter's faults. Agencies prey upon them also. Agencies see the desperate-ness in people who can't reproduce themselves. Agencies feed off and make their living off of desperate people and desperate situations.

    Of course, when someone goes to a foreign land with wads of cash pleading to 'help' a child, magically their cash ends up gone and sometimes they end up with a child. Sometimes their cash is just gone.

    So, the adopters end up disappointed because they bought into the whole rainbow-farting, you're a hero, you saved a child, you're God-like scenario. The bio-family (down for generations) lose. And, of course, we all know the adoptee loses. Who wins? We ALL know -- the one who cashes the checks.

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    1. It's not true ! I'm adopted, I'm black, my mom is canadian, my dad is european, my sister is cambodian and my other sister is chinese. not all adoptions are «kidnapping» my cambodian sister (camille) was found in the streets, my other sister (jasmine0 was found in a little box way to small for her in an alley and my biological mom brougth me to the orphenage because she coldn,t take care of me anymore, but she did tried to keep me for 2 and a half years util she started starving.And even tho we dont look alike, im happy and fit in perfectly with my LOVING family. My parents didnt adopt me nor my sisters to fill a hole cause they had the capacity to have a biological child. but they adopted out of charity and when someone tells them how «heroic» they are they say it isnt true and that they belive that if God blesses you its to bless other people. I belive I have two sets of REAL parents: one that LOVED me but that couldnt take care of me and one that LOVES me and will forever take care of me. They dont ignore my biological parents and are curently doing some research to find them

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    2. I left this comment as it was the only one where you were not fully attacking people... just so you are aware, most of the comments left on this post are from adopted adults (as is the one above) and so have as much validity as your opinion.

      I agree, not all adoptions are forced or are the result of children being stolen. I never said they were and neither did any of my readers who left comments here.

      What a tragedy for your mother that she had no other choice than to give you up because of deep poverty. Whilst you may not see it as a tragedy, it is. What a heartbreaking choice-that-wasn't-really-a-choice she had to make. See, that is where many of us have an issue with adoption. Plenty of people are happy to buy babies (which is what happens with adoption in the USA and in most places where great sums of money have to change hands) rather than spend a fraction of that cost assisting a mother to get back on her feet so she can support her child. Why not reach out to a mother AND her baby? It isn't that difficult really if the intentions are merely the selfless desire to help where help is needed.

      As to your other point, yes you do have two sets of real parents. Just a reminder however, please do not negate the experiences of others by trying to have yours validated. Your experience is your own and it is valid - as are the experiences of those here. Thanks.

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  14. ...and SAVE this conversation and send it to every pregnant, scared woman who thinks the adopting out a child is a good thing. Maybe she can see what's truly being said once they get the baby...

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    1. Good idea! I think I will do that...

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    2. That's what I was thinking Elaine. Though I know PowerDad is most definitely an embaressment to many adoptive parents, he also does represent another group of adoptive parents who truly do feel just as he does. And I firmly believe every pregnant woman considering adoption needs to know that crazies like him exist and are impossible, many times, to detect, until it is too late.

      As much as I cringe at what he is saying, I do believe what he speaks does reflect the thoughts of others just like him!

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  15. POWERDAD(seriously?),

    Way to lecture adoptees, who have lived adoption all our lives, on how little we know about the nature of adoption. In that spirit, do let me tell you all about being a man and a father. I'm an expert on these things (by your qualifications) because I am neither a man nor a father.

    Lesson one: All fathers kill their children. This statement is at least as true as your implication that all "birth mothers" are on drugs:

    http://dastardlydads.blogspot.com/

    Lesson two: Fathers never get a shit deal in custody cases. There are zero exceptions to this rule...just as there are no exceptions to your rule that all "birth mothers" were majority age when they relinquished their babies.

    http://www.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/01/30/systemic-bias-in-family-courtor-just-selective-fact-finding

    If you wanted to discuss real violations of father's rights, like, say, how poorly many first fathers are treated by adoption authorities, you might have a point (especially if you mentioned Utah). But you'd rather, apparently, take advantage of any opportunity you get to diss women and their choices. Were there no "birth fathers"? Were the fathers of all adoptees perfect saints who were raped by evil, drug addicted sluts? Why do fathers bear no responsibility or merit no scorn in your eyes?

    Since it's been mentioned you're an a'dad, consider this: When you talk about your adopted child's mother that way, you're talking about your child, who got half of his/her DNA from her. Children hear and remember. They also pick up on their parents' attitudes even when they go unspoken. One day your adopted child/ren will be old enough to Google, and s/he or they will read your ridiculous, hateful comments here (and elsewhere, no doubt) and be hurt by it. do you care about that, or would you rather keep waving your dick around by acting like a a jerk and then daring the blog owner to ban you?

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    1. Brilliant Laurel!! Great points and I hope he takes them on board xxx

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  16. He can't wave his dick around. It doesn't work. And the absolute joke of all this is, that as one hell of a lot of adoptees like me will tell is, is that the adoptive father is kind of a total non-event. They are the ones who went along with it all to make the little woman happy, in view of her great loss at not being able to reproduce.
    Although in Farter's case, his sterility is obviously such an issue that he has to mouth off. A classic little man syndrome. A little man with a dick that doesn't work and a strangely silent missus. This is because I suspect the dumb bitch is a plastic blow-up doll.

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    1. LOL Debbie! You are probably right though :)

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