23 January 2013

Adoption's proud supporters

I am slow to post of late; mostly due to a hectic pace in life as we settle into a new routine here in NZ however I have also been spending my time reading the various blogs and pondering on their opinions and viewpoints.

One thing that keeps coming back to me of late, and I know I have said this numerous times in the past, is really and truly how hypocritical adoption is.  And not just with the way adoption is viewed by society and how society contradicts its own morals and ethics as soon as adoption is mentioned; but also in the way people involved in adoption behave, what is expected of them and who can get away with what.

It seems wildly contradictive that supporters of adoption ie adopters, agency workers and PAP’s can not only say what they please but do what they please (and some do some very wild things) and still come up squeaky clean whereas the rest of those involved in adoption – the mothers, adoptees and wider families hardly have to put a toe out of line and they are condemned as trash no matter what.

Reading the various blogs and comments pertaining to those blogs, I see a lack of civility in so many of adoption’s proud supporters.  They whinge, throw tantrums, are the most unmannered types of individuals and yet they get respect?  Again, only in the upside-down, inside-out world  of adoption where usual accepted behaviour is thrown out the window can many turn into horribly nasty villains and are still pitied and seen to be virtuous and good.

As I posted a couple of years ago now, adoption brings the very worst, most ugliest in humanity… for nothing can be so feral and revolting than the desire to take another mother’s child, at any cost - even unethically and downright illegally - to raise as one's own for one's own pleasure.

Not only is the hypocrisy in how the mass supporters of adoption behave but also in the way they get their message out.  They will use whatever means necessary to encourage a woman placing an unplanned pregnancy to GIVE up their child.  Should anyone, ANYONE, even in the most polite of ways should dare  raise their hand and question their actions, motives or methods, the most vile fights arise.  And they are usually started by those who cannot abide anyone speaking up about the unethical practises of adoption.  Regardless whether they are spoken to in civil terms, have the most intelligent constructed messages put to them, they turn into feral, wild animals and spray the most putrid vitriol possible and have the audacity to pledge for sympathy and label those who dared question as the instigators.  I would name one such occasion but I really do not need to… it is out there in internet land for all to see… from Facebook pages, to forums and blogs (including my own!), it remains in all its hideousness for the world to witness.  But most turn a blind eye to this side of adoption supporters.  Even though they dislike and feel uncomfortable with the manner in which they spray their putrid words, they will keep quiet and become colluders and just as guilty because it is ADOPTION that is the subject matter.  Like it is some ‘Holy Grail’ one must never question at any cost. Thus, hypocritical.

I am not surprised many blogs like my own are attacked.  And ridiculed.  And spoken about as if somehow we were the most evil people in the world.  As FMF recently posted, our words, our content make people uneasy, uncomfortable and so the only way for them to feel better about themselves is to become the sewer rats they accuse us of being and spray vitriol about us… and then to transfer their actions onto us.  Not only is it sad and shows them for who they are but I also find it funny of late.  Because they actually support us in the long run.  With their vile actions, their mean and nasty spirited words, in the end, they help our cause to show adoption as the rotten institution it really is.


Well that is simple really.  How many mothers out there really want these types of persons to raise their children?  How many want their children raised by strangers who are two-faced, nasty and cruel?  Do you really want to see what they think of you?  While pregnant, you may be their everything, their light, their treasure yada yada yada but for the majority, once those papers are final, you will become nothing and in order for you to get there, they will tear you apart in their minds, create lies about you that they will genuinely believe so they can slam that door shut in your face.  Their hypocrisy will be complete and you will be left in the cold.

And as a recent commenter put it:

As for their message… really?  I mean, they really think their message is all that sweet?  They write posts to tear us apart, claiming our manner of delivering our message is all wrong but have they taken the chance to look in the mirror so to speak?  I am not sweet, I say things like it is.  It is known as blunt honesty.  I don’t care how a person takes that and if it puts them off.  Just tells me real good old fashioned virtues like honesty are so unusual now that it makes people uncomfortable.  Tough.  Perhaps that is just a further symptom of how much lower the human race is sinking.  Truth. Honesty.  Justice.  Compassion.  Love.  None of these words have any meaning or real place in adoption.  Despite adoption being touted as an act of love, Love, real actual, honest-to-goodness-Love, is non-existent.  More contradictions.  More hypocrisy.  But then, that is adoption for you.  The biggest contradiction of humanity out there.  


  1. Are millions of kids better off without selfish, entitled, cold hearted, greedy, nasty, hateful adopters? You becha~

  2. When I find myself getting mad at some of the "pro-adoption" comments, I remind myself that they are actually digging their own grave. For there HAS to be some sane people reading all their garbage and changing their own minds about the reality of adoption. Maybe it is a prospective adoptive parent, maybe it is an expectant mom considering adoption... I just have to believe that the general public will begin to see the reality behind adoption as it has come to be in the U.S.

  3. They seem to be in abundance lately, too.

    I'm currently working on a post about the cruel things some of these adoptive parents say while refusing to take any time to research and learn for themselves about the truths of adoption. They prefer to attack those that have lived the reality than have to face a single suggestion that there might be anything wrong with adoption. To me, that is plain cowardly!

    1. Cassi, your blog shows their hypocrisy more than most. You write eloquently and share facts in a non-aggressive manner and yet the ones who attack and are vile, ugly and outright cruel are those who bleat on about adoption being wunnerful... Just shows how wunnerful it is when their biggest supporters are such awful human beings xxx

  4. Here's an exchange on the HuffPost piece "How To Write a Letter to Convince Some Poor, Hapless Mother She Should Give Me Her Baby"
    Me: Adopt a dog or cat! * Volunteer for Big Brothers/Big Sisters! * Adopt a highway! * Become a foster parent! * Mentor a young mother and her baby! * Take a niece or nephew under your wing and help out their parents! * Volunteer at a crisis nursery! * Set up a scholarship fund for inner-city children! * Build a clinic or school in a poor area!
    And, whatever you do, do not call a pregnant woman "birthmother". She is mother until she signs the relinquishment paper. Then she is mother who lost a child to adoption.
    WWJD: … Strange comment. No, don't adopt a child of your own, adopt a dog instead. How ridiculous!
    Me: It's not a child of your own. It's someone else's child that you want to own.
    * * *
    The fact that you would not even consider one of the items I suggested - in fact, your tone is flagrantly derisive - speaks volumes about your character and true intentions. How are we to believe that this is being done out of altruism to give a home to a child truly in need when you can't even find it in your heart to become a foster parent or save an animal from being euthanized? Why and when did adoption become all about finding a baby for a needy adopter when it should be about finding homes for orphans and children in need?
    WWJD: You sound nuts, truly.
    Me: So that's your eloquent response to my reasoned statements? A personal attack? Then obviously I have won the debate.

  5. As an adoptive parent, I feel like a hypocrite a lot. It's hard. I find my truths are always evolving, and they have changed the most since opening myself up to the other perspectives of adoption.

  6. Pris, does WWJD stand for What would Jesus do??


Comments are on. Polite, respectful discussion is welcome. Abuse will not be tolerated. Thanks :)