Greetings readers! It has certainly been a while.
Whilst I have not really missed blogging (what? not miss the abuse and nastiness only online blogging can provide??? why ever not??), this idea for a post formed in my head at work today so I thought I would try it out.
My daughter's 18th birthday is around the corner and I have spent some time of late pondeirng the last 18 years and all the things I have had said to me by numerous types of humans. So basically, this is my chance to clear a few things up. Here goes.
"It was god's plan for you to be raped so we could have a child"
-Um, no, it wasn't. What kind of imbecile believes that sort of crap anyway Oh, that's right, the type that would go to any length to take another mother's child. No loony tune, it had nothing to do with any "god". And if it was their plan, then why would I want anything to do with any religion or deity that would create such sort of pain and devastation to a person's life? The whole idea is ludicrous.
"Keeping your baby is selfish. True love is to give her up"
-Yes, because nothing says "I love you" like giving a child away. What alternate reality do you live in? Would you give up your child to prove your love? Are you saying that all those parents who have raised their children don't actually love them? Wow. Just wow. That is some pretty twisted logic right there.
"She was always meant to be ours/theirs"
- Well, if that was a case, why did you/she not give birth to her? This is so crazy an idea it seriously concerns me that anyone would consider you/them worthy to raise a child - any child! Babies grow in their mothers' wombs. Not in their hearts (biologically impossible - but hey, don't let scientific fact get in the way of your warped ideas) or anywhere else.
"You were really just an incubator/surrogate"
- The level of small mindedness and nastiness that spews forth from the mouths of some is just dumbfounding. Again, nope. Surrogates generally enter an agreement to become pregnant in order to abandon the child voluntarily. This kind of goes against the whole concept of being raped. Because, lest anyone forgets, being raped is not voluntary and one is usually unaware that it is about to happen. As for people being incubators - really? Your callousness knows no bounds.
"There is no such thing as forced adoption"
- Of course not! Mothers are just lining themselves up all over the world to hand out their babies! That is why so many get pregnant - just so they can give them away! Only mindless gits would believe such rot.
"You must have done something to get your child taken. They don't take babies from good mothers"
- Just like women must asked to be raped, or people ask to be murdered or get cancer on purpose. Newsflash people, yes, bad things happen - and no, you don't have to do anything to deserve it or have it happen, they just happen. We live in a world where people are, simply put, evil. Driven by lust, greed, capitalism, nothing in this world is sacred - not even the supposedly "sacred" mother-child relationship. Humans can be miserable, horrible things who inflict pain needlessly because it fulfills a selfish whim.
"You should get over this/why are you not over this"
- Okay, let's try something. I will take one of your children and see how you "get over it". Or a leg, or an arm - you won't miss those? Or how about your heart? It doesn't seem you need it - especially given the nasty things coming out of your mouth. Does that work for you? No? Let me be clear: a mother does not get over losing her child. It wouldn't be natural for her so asking her to get over it is asking her to defy nature. And why should she? You wouldn't if the situation was reversed so don't ask her to do something you couldn't cope with yourself.
"But it was your choice"
- What constitutes as a choice from your perspective, exactly? Because having no options is not a choice. To make a choice, one needs to have options, facts, alternatives. Most adoptions do not involve choice. When a mother is being threatened, coerced, brainwashed and deceived, she does not have a choice. Lets see how well you do in the same position.
"You are only a birth mother"
- There is no such thing as a "birth" mother - otherwise all natural mothers would be termed that. A mother is, by definition, a woman that gives birth. I am a mother. No prefix necessary. Unless you are insecure about my motherhood and feel the need to degrade and insult me. Oh, that's right, you do. This is adoption, afterall.
"Everything happens for a reason"
- Would you say that to a cancer victim? Or the family of someone who has been murdered? Or a mother whose baby has just died for some awful reason? How does anything terrible have a particular reason other than "it happened"? No, losing my child had no purpose or reason other than those who fought me to take her wanted MY child and did not care enough about her or I to stop and think how this would affect us. THAT is the only reason and invalidating that fact is just cruel. If you can find reasons for evil happening in this world other than it happens, and that helps you, then that is great for YOU. But please don't presume to tell me how to feel about my situation.
"Adoption is so beautiful"
- Sure it is - if you are happy to create lifelong pain in others just so you can be happy! And I don't really care if your uncle's brother's wife was adopted and is just happy with it. Science backs the fact adoption or unnecessary child separation causes trauma. In the real world, outside the creepy unreality of adoption, the mother/child bond is revered. It is only when that bond becomes a nuisance that the science is shunned to make way for the fantasy of unicorns puking rainbows aka adoption. (Note: whilst I am using the generalised term adoption, I am in fact, referring to the infant adoption institution, for the most part. If you have read this blog, you will be aware I am not blind to the fact that sadly, some children must live with those outside their families for whatever reason - other than baby buying.) Creating one's happiness on the destruction of another person is the lowest a human can go.
"You were not raped. You are just saying that"
- Yes, because it's a picnic telling people I was raped for the hell of it. When the person who raped you even admits he knows he raped you "but if you told anyone they wouldn't believe you, and I would deny it" then I don't need you to believe me. I was there. You were not so keep your stupidity to yourself.
"Adoption is in the bible. god adopted us. This makes it a good thing"
- Stop it. Seriously, I am almost choking I'm laughing so hard. This is the biggest load of crap anyone has ever spouted. Churches are full of this putrid shite. Any wonder people are running in droves from churches, screaming as they go?? Would be best to put down the bible and pick up some reading material that explains comprehension so you can actually understand that bible you are so busy bashing over the head of some poor soul. This belief is so outdated it is ridiculous.
"You need to take responsibility for this"
- For what, exactly? For being raped? For losing my child to creepy humans with narcissistic tendencies? Screw you. I don't need to take responsibility for the things others did and I am over carrying that burden. I was raped. That is a crime against ME. My child was taken despite nothing questioning my fitness as a mother (actually, the reverse - I was caring for the children of four other families throughout my pregnancy - hardly the sign of an unfit mother!) Again, another crime. When are those who made choices to hurt me going to take responsibility? Why do mothers always have to wear the shame and wrongdoings committed by others? I took responsibility for my daughter, I stood up in court and let those who took her destroy me so I could show her this was not my choice. I said "No" when I was being raped. I voiced my desire to raise my child. Why should I take the blame for the actions of others? I won't and I refuse to anymore. Time for those who hurt and maim the lives of others to own their actions.
There are a number of other such choice statements I have heard over the years - many through this blog. For the most part, people are just ignorant and unaware of the reality and truth of what happens in adoption - others are just plain nasty. Ignorance is a choice however and there is no reason to stay ignorant of the trauma adoption inflicts on its victims.