25 April 2016

Being Stuck

(Original publish date: January 2009)

A short while ago, I blogged about beng stuck. Little did I realise this went deeper than just my posting.

It has dawned on me that I have been stuck for a very long time. Frozen in my trauma while life has continued around me. Its like I have been sitting in the middle of a whirlpool, watching life go on around me, while I have stayed on the fringe. Yes, I have taken part in this whirlpool ocassionally; I have married and had two more children, but then my soul, my spirit has stayed where it has felt safe and remained stuck.

Now, I have this urge to re-enter the whirlpool, to be part of the dizzying act of living, of loving, of enjoying LIFE. I have missed the thrill of knowing what it is to live, I have hovered between wanting to die or being afraid to die while denying myself the joy of just experiencing LIFE in all her splendour.

Now, it is time to live again. Now, it is time to rediscover myself and tell myself I am okay, that I am allowed to exist as me. I can take time to find the joy in the simplest of pleasures, to dance in the rain if the fancy takes me. It is time. Time to LIVE again...

1 comment:

  1. that is sort of why i started my blog and gave it the butterfly theme. but as a first mother sometimes its easier said then done. that grief seems to always be there and i too am making plans and trying to live in the NOW. Love, live, laugh..i cant think of anyone else who deserves it more than a grieving first mother.

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