Greetings readers! It has
certainly been a while.
Whilst I have not really missed
blogging (what? not miss the abuse and nastiness only online blogging can
provide??? why ever not??), this idea for a post formed in my head at work
today so I thought I would try it out.
My daughter's 18th birthday is
around the corner and I have spent some time of late pondeirng the last 18
years and all the things I have had said to me by numerous types of
humans. So basically, this is my chance to clear a few things up.
Here goes.
"It was god's plan for you
to be raped so we could have a child"
-Um, no,
it wasn't. What kind of imbecile believes that sort of crap anyway
Oh, that's right, the type that would go to any length to take another
mother's child. No loony tune, it had nothing to do with any
"god". And if it was their plan, then why would I want anything
to do with any religion or deity that would create such sort of pain and
devastation to a person's life? The whole idea is ludicrous.
"Keeping
your baby is selfish. True love is to give her up"
-Yes,
because nothing says "I love you" like giving a child away.
What alternate reality do you live in? Would you give up your child to
prove your love? Are you
saying that all those parents who have raised their children don't actually love
them? Wow. Just wow. That is some pretty twisted logic right
there.
"She
was always meant to be ours/theirs"
- Well,
if that was a case, why did you/she not give birth to her? This is so
crazy an idea it seriously concerns me that anyone would consider you/them
worthy to raise a child - any child! Babies grow in their mothers'
wombs. Not in their hearts (biologically impossible - but hey, don't let
scientific fact get in the way of your warped ideas) or anywhere else.
"You
were really just an incubator/surrogate"
- The
level of small mindedness and nastiness that spews forth from the mouths of
some is just dumbfounding. Again, nope. Surrogates generally enter
an agreement to become pregnant in order to abandon the child
voluntarily. This kind of goes against the whole concept of being
raped. Because, lest anyone forgets, being raped is not voluntary and one
is usually unaware that it is about to happen. As for people being
incubators - really? Your callousness knows no bounds.
"There
is no such thing as forced adoption"
- Of
course not! Mothers are just lining themselves up all over the world to
hand out their babies! That is why so many get pregnant - just so they
can give them away! Only mindless gits would believe such rot.
"You
must have done something to get your child taken. They don't take babies
from good mothers"
- Just
like women must asked to be raped, or people ask to be murdered or get cancer
on purpose. Newsflash people, yes, bad things happen - and no, you don't
have to do anything to deserve it or have it happen, they just happen. We
live in a world where people are, simply put, evil. Driven by lust,
greed, capitalism, nothing in this world is sacred - not even the supposedly
"sacred" mother-child relationship. Humans can be miserable,
horrible things who inflict pain needlessly because it fulfills a selfish whim.
"You
should get over this/why are you not over this"
- Okay,
let's try something. I will take one of your children and see how you "get
over it". Or a leg, or an arm - you won't miss those? Or how about
your heart? It doesn't seem you need it - especially given the nasty
things coming out of your mouth. Does that work for you? No? Let me be clear: a
mother does not get over losing her child. It wouldn't be natural for her
so asking her to get over it is asking her to defy nature. And why should
she? You wouldn't if the situation was reversed so don't ask her to do
something you couldn't cope with yourself.
"But
it was your choice"
- What
constitutes as a choice from your perspective, exactly? Because having no
options is not a choice. To make a choice, one needs to have options,
facts, alternatives. Most adoptions do not involve choice. When a
mother is being threatened, coerced, brainwashed and deceived, she does not
have a choice. Lets see how well you do in the same position.
"You
are only a birth mother"
- There
is no such thing as a "birth" mother - otherwise all natural mothers
would be termed that. A mother is, by definition, a woman that gives
birth. I am a mother. No prefix necessary. Unless you are
insecure about my motherhood and feel the need to degrade and insult me.
Oh, that's right, you do. This is adoption, afterall.
"Everything
happens for a reason"
- Would
you say that to a cancer victim? Or the family of someone who has been
murdered? Or a mother whose baby has just died for some awful
reason? How does anything terrible have a particular reason other than
"it happened"? No, losing my child had no purpose
or reason other than those who fought me to take her wanted MY child and did
not care enough about her or I to stop and think how this would affect
us. THAT is the only reason and invalidating that fact is just
cruel. If you can find reasons for evil happening in this world other
than it happens, and that helps you, then that is great for YOU. But
please don't presume to tell me how to feel about my situation.
"Adoption
is so beautiful"
- Sure it
is - if you are happy to create lifelong pain in others just so you can be
happy! And I don't really care if your uncle's brother's wife was adopted and
is just happy with it. Science backs the fact adoption or unnecessary
child separation causes trauma. In the real world, outside the creepy
unreality of adoption, the mother/child bond is revered. It is only when
that bond becomes a nuisance that the science is shunned to make way for the
fantasy of unicorns puking rainbows aka adoption. (Note: whilst I am
using the generalised term adoption, I am in fact, referring to the infant
adoption institution, for the most part. If you have read this blog, you
will be aware I am not blind to the fact that sadly, some children must live
with those outside their families for whatever reason - other than baby
buying.) Creating one's happiness on the destruction of another person is
the lowest a human can go.
"You
were not raped. You are just saying that"
- Yes,
because it's a picnic telling people I was raped for the hell of it. When
the person who raped you even admits he knows he raped you "but if you
told anyone they wouldn't believe you, and I would deny it" then I don't need you to
believe me. I was there. You were not so keep your stupidity to
yourself.
"Adoption
is in the bible. god adopted us. This makes it a good thing"
- Stop
it. Seriously, I am almost choking I'm laughing so hard. This is the biggest load of crap
anyone has ever spouted. Churches are full of this putrid shite.
Any wonder people are running in droves from churches, screaming as they
go?? Would be best
to put down the bible and pick up some reading material that explains
comprehension so you can actually understand that bible you are so busy bashing
over the head of some poor soul. This belief is so outdated it is
ridiculous.
"You
need to take responsibility for this"
- For
what, exactly? For being raped? For losing my child to creepy
humans with narcissistic tendencies? Screw you. I don't need to
take responsibility for the things others did and I am over carrying that
burden. I was raped. That is a crime against ME. My child was
taken despite nothing questioning my fitness as a mother (actually, the reverse
- I was caring for the children of four other families throughout my pregnancy
- hardly the sign of an unfit mother!) Again, another crime. When are
those who made choices to hurt me going to take responsibility? Why do
mothers always have to wear the shame and wrongdoings committed by others? I
took responsibility for my daughter, I stood up in court and let those who took
her destroy me so I could show her this was not my choice. I said
"No" when I was being raped. I voiced my desire to raise my
child. Why should I take the blame for the actions of others? I
won't and I refuse to anymore. Time for those who hurt and maim the lives
of others to own their actions.
There are
a number of other such choice statements I have heard over the years - many through this blog. For the most part,
people are just ignorant and unaware of the reality and truth of what happens
in adoption - others are just plain nasty. Ignorance is a choice however
and there is no reason to stay ignorant of the trauma adoption inflicts on its
victims.
